


Superman's no good, very bad day

by ivyness



Series: AU Yeah August 2018 [8]
Category: DCU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Kwami swap, Crack, Drabble, Gen, Not really an AU, Power Swap, au yeah august
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 04:04:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15622131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivyness/pseuds/ivyness
Summary: Batman and Superman get their powers swapped. Wonder Woman is very amused.





	Superman's no good, very bad day

When Bruce wakes up he knows immediately that something is very, very wrong. He gets out of bed gingerly, feeling no aches or bruises or stinging cuts for the first time in as long as he can remember and he knows that that is also very, very wrong.

He takes one light hop and shoots up almost to the ceiling before firmly regaining control and floating sedately down to hover two inches off the ground.

A light knock sounds on Bruce’s bedroom door as his butler lets himself in and Alfred allows himself one slow blink at Bruce’s floating form.

“I take it I shall be rescheduling your engagements for this morning,” Alfred says, judgement lacing every syllable. “Do try to have that under control by this afternoon,” he says, nodding in distaste as Bruce floats over to his closet, “You have an appointment with the Mayor that cannot be reschedule.”

Bruce grunts, “Any appointment can be rescheduled,” as he pulls a plain black tee and dark gray jeans out from his closet.

“Not when you’ve already cancelled five times before.” Alfred retorts and reaches into the closet to pull out a hideously bright red and blue shirt and asks with a completely straight face, “Are you sure you don’t wish to go with a more patriotic look this morning, Master Bruce?”

Bruce pauses a delightfully long moment before his lips twitch upwards, “No, I’m good Alfred. And I’ll make sure everything gets sorted out before this afternoon.”

Alfred bows with a easy nod of his head, “Certainly Master Bruce.”

*********

Clark wakes to the shrill rigging of his cellphone. He leans over, groping for his phone until he feels himself tipping over and he falls to the floor with a bang. “Ow,” he declares, surprised at the ache.

He snatches his phone from where it’s charging on his bedside table, mumbling a curt “hello” as he stumbles into the bathroom.

“Superman.”

Clark straightens automatically and replies, “Batman.”

There’s silence on the other end and Clark takes the chance to run his hand through his hair, straightening it, before his gaze catches on his reflection. His eyes are bloodshot with dark bags under them and despite running his fingers through it, his hair remains stubbornly bedraggled, sticking up in tufts from his head. Most telling of all he still feels the ache from his fall just moments ago.

“Batman,” Clark tries again, attempting to remain calm and in control and not like he just woke up, “Where are my superpowers?”

“I have an idea,” Batman replies, “but we’ll need Wonder Woman.”

*********

Diana and Bruce have been waiting an hour by the time Clark finally shows up and she doubles over in laughter when she gets a good look at his face. Bruce remains still but his lips are quirked in a shadow of a smile.

Clark’s face is dotted with tiny bandages, covering the angry looking scratches all along his chin. He reeks of smoke, clutching his stomach, and the first thing he asks when he sees them is, “Do either of you have a Pepto Bismol?”

Bruce quietly pulls out from his pocket a single, individually wrapped pink tablet and hands it over to Clark. At Diana’s questioning look Bruce shrugs, “He always eats too much junk food. No normal person can eat what he does and not get sick.”

That pulls another loud guffaw from Diana as Clark gratefully chews the tablet for his first upset stomach since he was a kid.

“Okay but what about his face? And the smell?” Diana asks with amusement.

“Shaving.” Bruce answers, “And he either tried to cook or set fire to his apartment.”

“Hey!” Clark protests, “I’m not that bad.” Which earns him two raises eyebrows and incredulous stares. “I just - I thought they were daily razors. Because. They always broke.”

“Oh you poor dear.”

Bruce says, “Let me guess. No oven mitts.”

Clark shrugs helplessly and Diana goes over and pats his back sympathetically, “It is okay little one. You have lived a very sheltered life but that is not necessarily a bad thing and nothing to be ashamed of.”

Clark feels his face burn bright with embarrassment, “Thanks Diana,” he says, trying to sound sincere.

Bruce’s poker face is immaculate but Clark is almost certain that he can see tiny shivers of laughter.

“What about you then?” Clark asks trying to deflect Diana’s attention. “There’s plenty of mishaps to be had with heat vision and flying and stuff.” He waves his hand emphasizing all the stuff. “Is Alfred stuck trying to rebuild the batcave?”

In answer, Bruce gently floats up to hover a foot off the ground for a full minute before sedately sinking back down. Clark glares, “How did you do that?” he demands. “I had to train for a _month_ to figure out how to fly. A month! In _Antarctica_!”

Bruce shrugs, his lips twitching, “I know kung-fu.”

*********

The culprit turns out to be Kaiyo the Trickster, Chaos Bringer. Clark thinks that’s a it’s a fitting title.

Diana ends up doing almost all of the work.

As usual.


End file.
